30-Day trials

I have found that 30-Day trials are an amazing way to take action on and experience some of infinite amount of different ways to live your life. I just completed a combined 30-day meditation trial and vegetarian trial. Both were amazing experiences and Ive now established habits that will continue will into the future. Being a vegetarian has really made me look at what i put into my body. I have been eating a lot healthier and it shows in both my energy level and the way I feel. It has also been a great experience to try some of the foods i wasn't as open to before. Usually when i go to a restaurant i over look the vegetarian choices because there are so many amazing meat choices to try that i don't even think about it. Through this trial i have experiences some pretty amazing menu items i wouldn't have necessarily given a chance before. I didn't really have that hard of a time giving up meat. I ate a lot of salads and made a ton of different vegetarian pizzas. It was cool to see how much flavor you could get with out any meat. There were only a couple days where I really craved a turkey sandwich or a slice of peperoni pizza. I will continue to stick to a mostly vegetarian diet in the future but ill still eat meat when i feel like it. I'm starting to get into nutrition more and more and am becoming more conscious of the down sides to consuming meat.
The meditation part of the trial has and will have a profound effect on my life. It has helped me calm my inner voice down more than anything else i have ever done. It has brought me to a whole new level of awareness. At first it was difficult to quiet my mind and find silence but now it has become a lot easier. I cant start to see the silent power i have inside of me. I am a lot less jittery with unnecessary movements. I can sit and focus in class. I feel a lot more calm. Ive gotten way more in touch with my instincts and the things my subconscious is telling me. Ive even taken steps in being present in conversation, where i just wait to talk and don't have a line of thoughts coming in as what to say next, what i think about this and that, how i can add to the conversation, what the person is going to think. I just wait and trust myself to say what i need to say when i need to say it. I didn't even notice i had all this mumbo jumbo going on in the background until i was free of it. Its quite amazing. Over all the trial has proven itself as an invaluable way to start new habits and try out different perspectives of life.

Today I start a new trial. Nothing big but I have a lot of book marks that I've accumulated and been meaning to read so I am going to read 2+ articles or bookmarked links each day for 30 days. Much of the articles coming from Steve Pavlina's blog. He has a lot of amazing things to say. From there we'll see were inspiration leads me.

Living in sync with who I am

I had a pretty powerful realization. I love philosophy. I'm currently beginning my second semester of nursing class. I'm not necessarily interested in nursing. This leads to a lot of things. I don't necessarily feel like interacting and connecting with most of the people that my current path has surrounded me with. Some of the people in my class are great. But for the most part its pretty blah. Some of the class content is semi interesting. but for the most part i don't really care. This makes me want to read other stuff in class. There was a girl in my class today who said she loves coming to class. She got there 45 minutes early. Shes engaged in the content. That is how you will feel when you are on your path. She will make an amazing nurse. Its not me. I feel that way when I'm learning about philosophy. When I'm learning how people think and how their thoughts affect their reality. I like thinking deeeeeep. I need to change something. I had a gap in the nursing classes for philosophy 101. This feels unbelievably amazing. The universe supports me. This is my path. I need to listen to my procrastination. I need to go after what I want. This is how I can live to my full potential. I am eternally grateful.

You don't have to have 2 lives. You can find out how to live a singular focused one. All my out of class reading should run congruent to my in class reading. If i find myself out of class, never even thinking of class. THEN I'M IN THE WRONG FUCKING MAJOR! I give myself excuses, like 'nursing is exactly what i needed to become a whole person' And I really believe this is true. I don't regret how far i came in nursing. I wouldn't want to take any of that away. But I know that its not what I'm interested in. I didn't get into philosophy or psychology originally because i couldn't see any opportunity for making money doing it. 2 thing. There's way more important things that making money. Like LOVING YOUR LIFE! and 2 If I'm loving my life, my drive and will to give and expand will bring more money to me than i can even imagine. Or exactly as much as I can imagine. Which is irrelevant. Because I LOVE MY LIFE!

Well, now i have some things to mull over. I'm secure right now. I can stay on this path and add philosophy in as i go along. Half assing it. Take some classes on top of nursing when i can. Use what i am learning in nursing to supplement my real passion. Maybe ill get a great perspective from becoming a nursing and interacting with so many sick people. If i drop out and pursue philosophy who's to say i wont lose interest. Maybe I'm only interested so hard because it distracts me from alignment. Maybe high school has reinforced nonalignment so much that i am addicted to it. No matter what ill always have one thing I'm resisting which i need in order to drive the interest in the other thing. I don't believe I have to live with this in-congruency. I think its a socially defined norm. I think its bull shit. Or i could drop out of nursing. I could get a job and start my real life, perusing philosophy when i can and supplementing it with what ever career i can find. This doesn't feel right. I believe this will still lead to nonalignment. No matter what i think society favors people with credentials. Going to school for something I love would cause me to get amazing grades. And probably go on to get my doctorate. Because I I I I I I want to. Because i want to pursue knowledge. Because I can live up to my full potential. And as i specialize and grow with my passion money will come into alignment. Ive already thought of so many ways to make an income that I'm confident that I will have no problem making any amount of money i set my sites on. (I still cant get away from money as my obstacle, in time.) Short term - Will my loan transfer if i switch degrees? Will I love my classes? Will I be able to pay for housing and living expenses for another 2 years? I already made the first step. Taking philosophy 101. Well see where the rest takes me. Maybe ill get my nursing degree and work in something i don't love for 4 years to pay back my loans. Maybe a business or income source will pop up on the side allowing me to be free of all this and able to pursue whats truly fulfilling to me. maybe i wont like my philosophy class and what i love has yet to be reviled to me. All i know is its all going to work out perfectly :) And I'm excited about the future. I love life. I love knowledge. And i love YOU!

Deep Brain HEar IT!

Obviously the movie inception is a reflection of what reality really is subtly packaged under the cloak of entertainment. So taking into account this new para-dime of reality that this movie explores I conclude that the increased processing power of our inner mind hears music in a much different way than our ears perceive it. Here is a Justin Biebz song slowed down 800% to give you a gimps of how your deepest mind perceives music. http://soundcloud.com/shamantis/j-biebz-u-smile-800-slower

The inner mind operates so quickly that it slows down its perception to the point that it is able to read the energy frequency of the music coming in. This is why happy music makes you feel good. Even if you don't know the words. Your mind is jiving with the energy frequency and getting in tune with the level the music is on.

Now I'll be going through my Disney collection to find the movie that explains how we pick up on each others energy and vibes so well. The wisdom is in there somewhere.

Your Interpretations Determine Your Circumstances

Anything you see in someone else you have in yourself. Any part of them you reject is a part you haven’t fully accepted in yourself. The way you are interpreting or judging another person’s actions is only your projection of how they are acting. It does it define how they are actually acting. You make up your reality by your interpretations of reality and then you respond to those interpretations rather than to actual ‘reality.’ Your response then reinforces the reality you are responding to. If you respond like the person was being mean and nasty, your response will make them mean and nasty. If you respond like they were joking and being nice then your smile will make them want to continue joking and being nice.
What you focus on is what you will see (This has to do with your brains reticular activating system). Everyone and everything are kind of like Rorschach tests in the way that a person will always have both negative and positive qualities with negative and positive ways to view them. What you choose to focus on and the way you choose to interpret what you see determines how you will respond. Your response further reinforces your interpretation. Your projected interpretation becomes reality, reality becomes your projection. If you think all people are bad and out to get you, you will see the expressions of them that reinforce that belief and ignore many of the things that are expressed in them that would support the opposite belief that all people are trying to help and support you. So in that way your interpretation of the person’s behavior is more a reflection of who you are than who they are. From this you can see that your beliefs have a profound effect on your external reality. If you want to change your external reality, you must change your beliefs. Adopting beliefs like; the universe is out to help and support you and everything that happens good and bad is exactly what you needed to become the person you want to become(Figure out who you want to become!) and, reality is all in your mind and you are in 100% control of your external circumstances are ways to empower you to leading a happier more fulling life.

Focus the beam

Ive feel like Ive been pretty stagnant lately. Like i know what i need to do and know the path i need to start walking and the daily habits i need to get into in order to live to my highest potential but there's this constant voice in my head telling me it's OK to do whats easy. Its ok to sleep in and relax. But my belief that i need to work to achieve makes me feel the best when I'm striving to achieve a goal. I stop judging people and i just enjoy the world around me. I worry that i have been starting to many small projects and reading so many different books as a way to distract myself from finishing any of them. Maybe its a good things to get a ton of projects together in the direction of the larger project so that i can grow that much faster and when i have an obstacle in one area it will allow me to focus on something else until a path is found around that obstacle. I think i am at a point where i have the foundation laid. I have the blueprint of what i want to do basically set up. I have the understanding of the mindset needed to complete the project but not quite the full confidence in that mindset. I still have doubts. I have the vision to make the project sweet. I have the drive to see the project to completion and now all there is to do is drop all the minor distractions and do my work. My work needs to be the primary focus. around that enjoying peoples company, pursuing life experiences and reading to enhance my knowledge can compliment my primary purpose but i must not focus my beam of intent as to not be distracted by the secondary things that can be better left to the times i am resting from my primary purpose. Today i have a choice between going up north with friends and having fun this weekend at the cost of being pissed at myself for being lazy or I can go to hockey tonight, skip going up north and spend all Saturday learning how to make websites so i can bring my ideas to the world. But if i kept my intention and went up north would someone who already knows how to make websites be brought into my reality and the same outcome achieved? In this way does it matter if i stress myself to work or if i just live life to the fullest. Hopefully Steve Pavlinas current 30 day trial will shed some light on this predicament. For now I'm going to choose work because i do not yet have full trust in my powers of manifestation. I know that if i procrastinate on working out that i will get fat and feel shitty. Why would it be any different if i procrastinate on working.

BARTZ....OUT

Ping Pong

How you think somebody is going to think about something, Is how they are going to think about it. If you do something 'weird' and you think someone is going to think its weird then that person will think its weird, you will project your thoughts on how to think about it into their state. If you deep down believe that they will think its tight as hell then they will feel that think its tight as hell. You have control. Truly believing that what you do is going to perceived the same way you perceive it and not misinterpreted the ways you might feel like it could be misinterpreted is the hard part. Damn, I hope that didn't get misinterpreted.

Living in the moment is huge. once you realize that you can trust yourself and not have an outcome dependence on anything that happens you can start to view the things that happen to you as the exact things you needed to happen to you in order to grow to the next level. Or maybe that stems only from my desire to grow to the next level. And sense i have that desire all the things in my life that happen to me result in me perpetuating that desire. If someone has the desire to feel miserable then all the things that happen to them are going to perpetuate that desire. They will all make them feel miserable in the same way that they make me feel like i used them to evolve to the next level.

What you think you are capable of is exactly what your capable of. If you are learning to juggle it will be very hard to do 100 juggles with 4 pins in a row on the first try. You don't really believe you are capable of juggling 100 times in a row on the first try. It takes practice to get to 100 throw. What is practice? Its proving to yourself you are capable of doing 100 juggles in a row. And that starts with proving to yourself you are capable of doing 2 juggles in a row and then 3. and for the quick learner it means pushing yourself and having confidence that you can do 2 in a row then 10 in a row.

A blog is me writing a note to myself. But not only to myself to all of the selves of me out in the world that are able to find it. All the selves out there that are at the same place as me. and i can thank the selves of me before me who are writing to all their other selves giving them guidance. Each little projection of me is out there for me to interpret in the way i see fit. The way my consciousness sees fit. My consciousness creates everything and everyone in my world as a vibration of my inner most beliefs. Where do these beliefs come from? Are they deep down socially conditioned things, but then social conditioning itself must come from your belief. Where do you formulate your first beliefs? Are fist beliefs an illusion in the same way that past and future are illusions and the only thing that's real is the now? Where do we get things in the now? Where does everything i have now, like this tea come from? Must have been a previous now that was nice enough to give it to the current now. Is that why its so important to give because when you can give to other people and take on a overall giving attitude you will tent to give yourself things in the now.

Being offended is a choice.

As a society we should try harder to not become offended rather than to not offend. Everyone is so scared not to offend other people that we tip toe around people feeling. People tend to look for reasons to take things personal and get upset, maybe it makes them feel important. People can learn that other peoples opinions are only a different perspective. Instead of tying up this perspective in once self image and thinking it takes away from their path, they can look at the ways the perspective can add value to it. Take the offensive thing with a grain of salt. Don't let your ego feel damaged and take it personally. Maybe there could actually be something to learn from a different opinion or criticism. In the end its important to understand that the criticism reflects more about the criticizer than what is being criticized. Could the society raise its self esteem to a point where the majority of people choose not to become offended? If this were the case overly offensive people would lose their power. They wont be able to judge people in order to be a level above them. Any previously offensive things will turn constructive. We will be able to use our criticisms as a way to build each other up rather than tare each other down.

Medication: Not a Quick fix

Our culture is too quick to give children medication for their “problems.”
Kids are board in class so instead of giving them something that motivated and interests them to want to learn we drug them into becoming lifeless drones and wipe their spunk and creativity in order to get them to conform to societies standers that enforce the hierarchy and benefit the people in control.
We need to raise our kids with high self esteem and not use them as a way to feel better about our own emotional issues as adults. Treating the superficial issues like depression and ADD with drugs is not the solution.
Low confidence Kids will grow into low confidence adults, which raise more yet more low confidence kids. We cannot break this cycle by covering up the issue with medication. We cannot change our biology in the short term. We need to change how we think about things in the long term in order to increase our happiness and find our individual passions. This is all that is needed to solve a majority of the psychological issues that people misinterpret as problems rather than seeing them as a sign that a person’s lifestyle is in-congruent with their biological needs.
Quick fixes don’t work. We need to treat the underlying issue. We need to give our kids guidance, choice and encouragement so they can do what THEY are passionate about and live up to their full potential rather than a society defined definition of success. We cannot keep drugging them so it’s easier to guide them to what society thinks they should do.

I am ME

This last weekend has been very powerful. I have realized a lot of things. I have realized how important the people in my life have been and how much I already knew that but didn’t acknowledge it. I realized how great a person my brother is and how important he has been in my life and how important I have been in his. I realized that he is and ALWAYS will be my best friend. The times we have shared together have build a connection so strong and for some reason I had a resistance to it. I realized that I have been very bad at showing the people I love and care about how much they truly mean to me. I realized that I have always been the person that I want to be. I realized that the only thing holding myself back was I. When I was a kid I was me. And as I grew up I let other people influence who I am. My first TRUE passion was hockey. I loved the control and freedom it gave me. I played it for ME. I spend anytime I could on the ice, with a stick and ball, teaching my friends about it, going to hockey camps, shooting pucks against the garage or in the basement, stick handling, roller bladeing, anything to do with hockey. For me. Because I LOVED it! I didn’t give a fuck what other people thought about it. It was me. I was me. I lost a lot of respect for myself on an unconscious level because as I grew up I let people’s opinion hold me back from what I was passionate about. I let my fear of their rejection stop me from doing what I Loved. I let them put doubts in my ability. I stopped playing the game for me. I started playing it for them. This stopped me from living up to my potential. I am grateful I faced it. I am grateful for the lessons I learned from not living up to my potential. And I know I needed this to get where I am going. Now I can put it behind me.

I will never forget the time we won state. Not the championship game, but the game right before it. The feeling I got when I scored the overtime goal. I will never forget what the roof of that old barn rink looked like. The lights shining down on me as I was filled with power, passion, joy, freedom, life. Staring up at the ceiling like I was the only person in the world. I made it happen. I was in control. The game started off with me scoring the first goal early in the game. The opposing team tied it up and then took the lead. They were winning 2-1. It was the 3rd period and the puck was in our zone. I took it from a teammate behind the net and skated it from end to end to score with 6 seconds left. I tied the game at 2-2 to bring it into overtime. I scored the overtime goal to get us to the championship. I was in control of my reality. It was an amazing feeling. Somewhere I lost that control and with it I lost respect for myself. I did this by letting the things that made me uncomfortable hold me back from doing what I was passionate about. I let the things take away my control and stop me from being free. I think this is why I am on this current journey. A journey to expand my comfort zone to a place where I can handle ANYTHING that might hold me back from my passion. A journey to truly be free of other peoples opinion of me so ‘I can be me’. A journey to find out who I AM. To embrace who I AM. To love who I AM. Just like when I was a kid. I am ME. I am already everything I want to be. I already have everything I need. I am Me. I will no longer let anyone, anything, or myself hold me back from living my passion. Life is wonderful.

I Am Everything. You Are Everything.

"The weather is always there. Its only our interpretation of the weather that changes." - I wrote this quote down at a time of inspiration. It felt right. Logically it sounds stupid. How close to reality could this quote be? When I thought of it I was changing my interpretation of the weather from cold and hostile to warm an comforting. At least that's what it felt like. It felt like i was choosing to feel the sun as warm or cold on my skin and the wind as loud or quiet in my ears. Could we change the weather further than our interpretation of it? From sunny to storming? Is our interpretation the only thing there is? Does the weather even exist at all? Does anything really exist? What is reality? Can we go with out food for 70 years?(http://cli.gs/JtRLHr) Was that just a story that I needed to hear to get to where I'm going? Do the people I interact with exist at all or are they just another pawn in my reality, another resource for me to use to find out about myself. A different perspective to explore.
Can you find the answers without seeking them? By realizing that there is nothing to seek. That everything you need to know has been in front of you the whole time and the only thing you need to do is become aware of it, to find it. That IT is YOU. And YOU are IT. The things you connect with stronger are the things your ego tries to identify you with. But in reality they are all absolutely the same thing. Nothings really real, The people I interact with on a daily basis, in the street, on the bus, in my classes, the people who call me or talk to me on aim. Everyone is just another pawn I invite into my realty. Another lesson i can choose to listen to or ignore. Is the deepest reason I care about another persons suffering or happiness because I am them and they are me. If they suffer I suffer! Is this why we have empathy in the first place? The reason we can often tell when a person is sad by feeling the emotions they are having not by picking up subtle facial clues and expressions or even by sensing their energy on some quantum level but because when they are having those emotions, it is really us having those emotions. What exists to me is me. Each a different part of me. A different perspective of myself. I am everything. Could we possibly be more connected than we could ever imagine? IS not recycling is wasting yourself. When you litter do you leave trash on yourself. In your world. All harm you do is harm done to yourself. All love and generosity you give, you give to yourself. Treat others how you want to be treated is better advice than I could ever realize because how you treat others is how you are treating yourself. I am everything. You are everything.

Also, Will the answer come to me faster if I seek it? Or will I be able to let it be and find it. Is this all just a waste of time or is it the only way to be enlightened? How do you balance seeking and finding? Don't seek the thing because what your looking for is right in front of you. But to truly go beyond knowing this to understanding it may require seeking. Then you can drop seeking and find. Just like it took the ego to get where we are now and it will take dropping the ego to get where we're going. With adult minds we must again attempt to see everything as we did when we were children. No labels. We are the weather. The weather is us.

Just some Food for thought :)

Edit: I made a tree fall on the way back from my run after this blog post. A big ass tree. It toppled over and landed on a barbwire fence. As I was running back I had a huge understanding of what the blog post could mean and an implication it had in my life. A place I was seeking rather than letting be/finding. A Huge surge of Power filled my being and I got a huge smile across my face. I felt Free and invincible, In control. Then the wind picked up, blew dust in my face and the tree made a loud sound crashing to the ground 20 feet behind me. It was attempting to distract me from my thought. (Or reinforcing it deeper my head? After all life is plotting to make me happy right.) That, or it was just a coincidence. Do I choose the more empowering belief or the one closer to "reality"?

Note: Running not only keeps you in shape it frees your mind.

Zumba - Breakin the mold

Pushed the comfort zone to another level today by attending a Zumba class. Was running some errands with a friend named Kayla and told her half jokingly I would go to Zumba with her and Jodi when they went later. As I thought about being there I noticed myself feeling awkward. I could tell if i did this I would feel uncomfortable. And ive been trying to live by the rule that If it makes you feel uncomfortable, Do it! This is something I never would have done a year ago. maybe even a week ago. I'm a little surprised I went (But not at the same time, weird). I committed to it right there and promised her I would go. Knowing I couldn't back out made the 3 hours before the class a lot easier. I didn't sit there and think about all the negative things that might happen during the class. Each thing I framed in a positive way. I'm going to be the only guy in a class of who knows how many girls, Tight. I'm not going to know how to do the dances and ill look like a fool trying, Awesome chance to practice not caring how I look to other people. I didn't let the normal negative thoughts get me down. What was the point? It was too late to turn back. Instead I got excited about the class. I thought about all the new opportunities it could open up. I could learn how to dance better and It would expand my comfort zone. Turns out there were a lot of times I could have felt very awkward but as soon as it crept in I smiled, enjoyed it and it went away. I kept reminding myself it didn't matter. OF COURSE I'm not going to be good at it! Its my first class!! and that's OK. I used to go into things like this and be uncomfortable If I wasn't one of the top people right off the bat. It usually caused me to goof around and not take thing thing serious. I wouldn't give myself a chance to improve. I'm going to commit to going to more classes (hopefully pick up some dance classes, salsa anyone?). I can see a ton of benefits. If I can become comfortable dancing like a fool in front of a bunch of girls, where I stick out like a sore thumb, then other things that might have made me uncomfortable before wont be shit. Every new thing you learn how to do helps your brain grow and get better at learning other new things. I can tell that I am super tight when it comes to dancing. I'm mechanical, I gotz no rhythm. If keep going to classes I can tell I will make a lot of improvements. This 'learned looseness' and mind-body connection that you must develop to be good at Zumba (or any other form of dance) will help in a ton of other areas. Every-thing is connected. I was better at the end of the songs than I was at the beginning, and after I can stop worrying about the basic things like where to put my hands and what beat is going to come next I will be able to improve my groove.

Conversations

Why are conversations with people you don't know weird?
What is it that makes you uncomfortable when you don't know someone? its like being unsure about anything always causes anxiety/stress. People avoid the stress (uncomfortableness?) at any cost. people wont do anything unless they are pretty close to sure they know how it will turn out. And the way they feel like its going to turn out has to suit their interests.

How can you get people to become more comfortable in conversations? Prolly become more comfortable yourself. Get enough experience in conversations that you are confident that what ever happens you will be able to deal with it, you wont have awkward pauses and that any conversation you get into is going to be fun and fulfilling. After you get that believe I'm sure you will transfer that state to the other person and help them get there as well.

People fear the unknown. In conversations the unknown is the next topic of discussion, how the person will interpret what your saying and how the person will respond. The fear comes from not knowing how your response will be judged. So as you build trust you can build a closer level on conversation.

Rags to Riches Rando Reality Rhymez

All these people are just guests, there complaining just a test, in my reality, my reality.
If I want to be my best, that is what ill manifest, in my reality, my reality.
One thing that I detest, being compared to all the rest, this is my reality, my reality.

Try and drop the petty games, used to keep your mind tame.
for this i do not blame, i just see it as a shame.
so much potential we posses, if we get the hatred off our chest.

no more worries no more cry, live for each moment that goes by
another challenge to over come, overcome it don't ask why.

Stop giving your power away, don't care what people say.
It takes creativ-it-tay, to see the true way.
The fearlessness to seize the day.

the things that happen to us don't define
but its our actions over time
that determine if we shine
or get sucked in to the slime.

lol i'm out. Be fresh eat fresh live fresh n have fresh breath.

It's ok to get high on life.

As people grow up they stop thinking its ok to be a kid. Society scolds them every time they climb a tree in public, or meet a stranger, or smile and yell for no reason. 'are you high' people ask. 'That guys hammered' people say. What happened to doing things because you enjoy them.

People don't let themselves enjoy things. They use marijuana in order to have fun sitting outside at the park, or watching a movie. Sure the stuff can enhance things. but the truth is life is so amazing it doesn't need to be enhanced. Yes a mushroom trip is like nothing you can experience in your sober life. And smoking marijuana takes you places you couldn't go if you were smoking sunshine and snorting flowers. I think doing these drugs to go on vacation is great. Evey one should try them, but it becomes a problem when you use them to escape. You use them to distract you from reality rather than bring you closer to it. They need to be left as a vacation. Smoke weed to get a different perspective on a movie or sunset or the back of a 20$ bill. But be careful about spending the majority of your time stoned to the bone and swap your weed vacation out for the Bowl-to-bowl High life. You stop doing anything. It lowers your threshold of fun. It makes it OK to sit inside and watch tv. It starts to take away from your life instead of enriching it.

Alcohol is another hat people like to wear to belong. People use alcohol to lower their inhibitions and to escape from their problems. On a pretty large scale. They fear being judged but want to have fun so they use alcohol as a crutch. They go have fun and if someone judges something they do its ok.. they were blacked out... It becomes a competition between people to see who can get more shitfaced. Last time i checked it wasn't hard to chug beer and take shots till you threw up under the bar stool, on the beer pong table or in the sink (If your too classy for a toilet). The real challenge is going out and truly enjoying yourself, dancing, talking to random people, and not giving a shit what anyone else thinks. Not relying on the excuse of being shitfaced if you make an ass out of yourself.

Theres somthing very huge or very small out there.

This thing is currently beyond our comprehension. I predict that some where down the road science will explain it all, one thing at a time. It could take 100 years of 100,000. maybe we wont live that long but I have a feeling that the feelings we get, the coincidences we encounter, the miracles we see, that we currently call god because we cannot explain them in any other way will someday be explained. I wouldn't be surprised if all the things we felt, all the spiritual laws we have, (like the law of attraction) are all subtle things. so subtle that you cant even begin to explain them from our current world view. Much like a Neanderthal couldn't explain how a spaceship works (or a light bulb for that matter.) Some day we will have figured it all out. Would this take away life's beauty or add to it? Like naming and defining trees and flowers have changed their meaning. Sometimes people enlist the help of marijuana or mushrooms to become reconnected with the wildlife we have all filed away as explained. The things we stopped taking the time to be present and enjoy.

Maybe its somehting that's unexplainable, a power, an energy to big for the mind to ever grasp fully. a connectedness that can never be defined. but i just hope we can start to get closer to it rather then farther away. because losing site of it is losing site of ourselves. I guess if being lost doesn't kill us then it'll make sure the only thing we have left to do is to be found.

Politics

In order to solve societies problems we need to get rid of politics. There are going to be scientific ways and technologies that can be fairly distributed throughout the world. Why do we have politics? Politics are big and small. From the united states government to the Milwaukee school system to the little league baseball team.

Its all a power game. Who can fuck over who and get the most power. Who can manipulate the rules to get theirs.

How can we change our mindset. How can we be happy with what we have. Strive to achieve what we can achieve and do it WITH other people rather then competing AGAINST them.

We are all connected. You get by giving, not by taking.

The shift is coming.

Layers: Voice. Feeling. Self image.

There are many layers on top of who we really are, our self image. The most obvious layer is the voice in you head saying you cant do something. Your not good enough. Telling you only the obstacles. Below that is a the feeling. The feeling is what the voice is trying to justify. The feeling is what the voice is explaining to you. Once you can stop hearing the voice you can start to deal with the underlining feeling. The feeling comes from your self image. The goal is to get your self image to the outer layers of your potential. Not let any of the voices hold you back from what your able to accomplish. From 'I'm bad at math' to 'I suck with girls.' These are all self fulfilling prophecies. Recognizing that your past mistakes or failures don't define you. That you NEED those experiences to succeed. Realize that how you talk to yourself determines what you are capable of accomplishing. Change how you talk by being aware. Change the feeling of uncertainty and doubt by pushing your comfort zone. And notice that the things you're able to accomplish will change.

Talking yourself out of the good times.

As children we do a great job of living in the moment. We climb trees to the top without thinking about how hard its going to be to come down. We ride our bikes down hills as fast as we can without thinking about how much its gonna hurt when we fall. We play in the mud without thinking about how hard its gonna be to clean our cloths. We lose this as adults. The more times we make arts n crafts with Popsicle sticks and hot glue the more times we get burnt by the glue gun. The more times we have to clean up the mess we had so much fun making. As we grow up our focus changes. We start thinking about all the negative things that go along with living in the moment and it can stop us from leaving the couch at all. First you think somehting like 'I should go to the bar' then immediately the negative thoughts start creeping in. We over analyze the situation. Instead of giving the night a chance you start thinking 'No one will be out' 'Ill sit there like an idiot' So it becomes easier to just sit on the couch and let all the life experiences you could be acquiring pass you by. Its easier to avoid the unknown instead of use it as a chance to explore and grow like you did when you were a child. All the life experience you get when you grow up takes away from any new life experience you can get in the future, if you let it. We must remain conscious of the times we talk ourselves out of taking action. If you have an idea. DO IT! If you wanna get into a kid cudi concert and you don't have tickets. GO TO THE THING ANYWAYS! Look for a back door. Enjoy every minute of it. Even if you don't get in you had fun trying. Nothing is a waste. Its a numbers game. The more chances you give yourself, the more things are going to work out. The more things that work out the more confidence you'll have in the next adventure you partake in. Knowing that each failed experience was just something that gets you better at succeeding the next time. This creates a snowball that grows into an amazing life. Get out there. Be optimistic. Enjoy the adventure. Explore the experience. And live like a kid again.

Taking Inaction.

How do you know when the justifications your making for an inaction are an actual reason for the inaction or an excuse you made up to protect yourself from being uncomfortable or not facing your fear. When the reasons your giving yourself for not taking action are merely excuses cleverly designed to keep you in your box of comfort. The only way to truly know when you're not using excuses is by examining the actions you take.

The actions you take are the only thing that truly defines what your intentions are. Actions don't lie. When your actions are incongruent with your purpose then what ever reason you give yourself for the incongruency is an excuse. If you 'wanted' to do something and you didn't do it, its because deep down you really didn't want to do it. The example that stands out to me in my life is hockey.

First I think most people can acquire the skills and talent to become great at something given they truly, deep down enjoy the thing there doing and they go about practicing it in the right way. These things were more so learned than born with so they can be taught. I think the child must find out what he truly enjoys from a young age when my neuroplasticity is high. When you're young there's a period of time when your neurons are forming rapidly and it becomes easier to learn a skill. That's why its easy for young kids to learn multiple languages. Its why you see some amazing child piano or drum players. In my case i spent a lot of time playing with a hockey stick and ball when i was young. I spent a lot of time on the ice. I loved the game. each opportunity I had I would fill with hockey, i tried to get my parents to build a rink in the back yard. I went to the local outdoor rink in the winter and played till i couldn't feel my feet anymore and id return to the warming hut, take my skates off and start crying because the pain from the frost bite on my toes. I spend hours putting holes in my garage with hockey pucks. That gave me the skills to score goals. I was ahead of my time at that age. Since i scored goals when i was young it turned me into a goal scorer. Since i was a goal score i got more ice time and played with more competitive players lending me even more experience. Some people can skate great, stick handle good and shoot good but for some reason they aren't goal scores. They choke given the opportunity at the net. They have the habit of hitting the goalie. Others, the goal scores, don't seem to miss. If they get in front of the net the puck is going in. Without even looking they will find an open spot. The open net becomes a feeling. They can sense where it is. sense what they need to do to get the goalie to react. I believe the mind pattern or my thought habits is one of the reasons i got good at scoring goals. After each game i would have fun going over in my head first all the goals i scored. usually a couple times. I could remember each goal, what it felt like, and its exact path into the net. Then id look back at all the opportunities. All the places where i felt like i should have scored. I looked at the reason the puck didn't go in and how i could score in a future scenario. I didn't realize it at the time but this habit of mentally rehearsing the successes and how to succeed the next time was a habit that turned me into a goal scorer. Now maybe being born with a mind that naturally went over these things is what enabled me to get good but i feel like its a skill that can be taught once you find something your child really enjoys doing.

So, say I wanted to become a professional hockey player. Given that I had the skills/talent. The reason I didn't become a professional hockey player is because deep down I didn't really want to. As i look back i can see a lot of truth in this. I used to have 60 goal seasons when i was little when the person with the second most goals was in the low 20's. This got me a lot of attention. I started to dream about being a pro and being on TV. I idolized players like Wayne Gretzky and Mario Lemieux. Then i saw them in interviews. I saw them in front of millions of people, put on the spot, every word analyzed and critiqued and it terrified me. I didn't think I could ever speak in front of that many people. What would I say? I didn't feel interesting enough. I felt like I couldn't speak well. I didn't know the answer to the questions I would be asked. Looking back. Deep down i feared that kind of pressure so much it made me subconsciously avoid the situation all together. I sabotaged the big breaks I could take so I never had to face that kind of pressure. I steered clear of my deep down fear. I see it big and small in a lot of places in my life. I used to avoid uncomfortable situations like the a bear avoids the winter. It kept me safe. Kept me comfortable. I got very good at it. That's one of the biggest changes that has helped me grow as a person recently. I've started recognizing when I think I'm going to feel uncomfortable and make sure I do what ever I can to put myself in that very situation. I've realized that it was all in my head. Gradually I have less and less things I feel like avoiding. My comfort zone has increased exponentially. Which in turn translated to extremely elevated levels of self confidence and increased self esteem. which opens up an amazing amount of new opportunities. I feel more empowered. I start to see that anything the world throws at me I can conquer. Any obstacle in my way I can climb. Each new thing is nothing but practice. Something to learn from. I begin to welcome uncomfortable experiences as a way to grow, a way to expand my comfort zone and get that much closer to true core confidence.

Happy Cries

Today I was a little off. Ive changed so much this past year and I haven't had this feeling for awhile. It was a feeling like I was no longer in control of my destiny. Like life was to big and I was to small to make a difference. I am planting a couple seeds right now and I think i let them get the best of me. I started thinking about their potential and how real that potential could become. Somewhere deep inside me I didn't feel big enough. I didn't feel worthy. I started letting something creep in that made me doubt myself. It wasn't even voices. I blocked out the 'you cant do it because of this' voice awhile ago. But yet it existed. Maybe the voices are you rationalizing your feeling to yourself. I couldn't put a finger on why i was feeling like this. It was so subtle. Like people didn't care about me. Like it matters what they thought again. Like I was doing something wrong. I sat reading the new psycho-cybernetics and couldn't get into it. I lay and tried to discover what was bothering me. What was it inside that made me feel this way. I even made fun of someone in class today for no real reason, I did it because the opportunity presented itself. I did it because I felt weak and it made me feel stronger. I felt like apologizing right after. I didnt. I thought it would make me look weak. look needie. So I ignored myself. Now laying in bed I pushed on reading. I started to connect with the book again. I thought again about apoligizing now hours after. I sent the text message anyway. Being mean is not who i am. I like that i get uncomfortable now when i put people down for no reason. I dont care much how the text message makes me look. It felt good to send it. Back to the book, I read on. Somewhere something in the book began to connect with me again. I realized my problem. I said out loud, even tho it felt uncomfortable 'I have ides that will change the world.' Immediately tears filled my eyes. I repeated it. The tears got stronger. But a certain darkness lifted. The thing that was holding me back vanished. Again i felt alive, happy, in control. Ive had an increasing number of these moments lately. Moments where something just clicked. a realization so huge i had to cry. An undescribable release of emotion. It happened when i realized how much my family loves me. how they will do absolutely anything for me and all they ask in return is a thank you. How all these years i didn't realize it. How all my mom wanted me to do was watch her run a marathon but she didnt know how to say it. she gave other excuses for me to come home and i couldnt see what she was really asking. I was to selfish to think that maybe they like when im involved in their lives in the same way i like it when they're involved in mine. I took for granted how they come to almost all of my hockey games and support me in WHATEVER i decide to do. How I could wake up in the mourning and they would be there to make me breakfast. How something as easy as calling on the phone to say 'hi, hows your day going' could mean so much yet i was 'to busy' to take the time to do it. How all they do is care about me and all i do is care about myself. It happened again when i was watching 'The shadow effect' and i told myself out loud that i forgave myself for not living my full potential in hockey. I realized how i still carried that burden. I was still mad at myself for not trying as hard as i could with the talent i was given (or acquired with my passion for the game at a young age and a mindset that gave me habits that allowed me to accel but thats a ponder for another blog entry.) Deep down I really never forgave myself. I cant put into words the power these realizations have. The disappointment that i didn't realize it sooner and the gratefulness that i was able to realize it now. The impact being able to come to these realizations has on my future. In a way these moments are what I'm searching for. The reason i read book after book and article after article about self help, happiness, psychology and success. Each epiphany, each paragraph each sentence brings me closer to figuring out whats holding me back. To conquering my deep down fears. To matching my self image to my actual potential. Its easy to lose sight of the amount of small steps it takes to do something great when you look around and see the end product of so many great people who have accomplished so much. Trying to mimic them and achieve what they have achieved instead of learning from their success and achieving what I am meant to achieve. Comparing myself only to myself. Growing each day one step at a time. Staying true to my purpose. Taking actions consistent with that purpose. Knowing you get out of life what you put into it. Tonight It was a toss up between knowledge and experience. And now I'm gonna put on my party hat and choose both. Life. Thank you for the lessons. You are super tight.

Just do it.

How you do anything is how you do everything. Ask yourself how your life is going to turn out if your to lazy to start any endeavor you think worthwhile? how much stuff will you miss out on? How many things have you already dismissed because you talked yourself out of taking the first step? Now think about how great your life would be if u had the courage to dive into everything you saw potential in. You didn't let yourself talk yourself out if taking the first step. You didn't let other people decide the path you should take. You stopped listening to the voice in your head that said you cant, told you it is to hard. You stepped up this one time and planted the seeds to your future. You took it one step at a time. You continued to water the seed you planted. Knowing if this one dies it helped you know how to better take care of the next one. The worst thing you can do is to not do anything. Realize there is no such thing as failure. Each thing you don't succeed at gets you closer to a success the next time. Let go of all the excuses. Your past laziness's don't define you. Each time you've chosen inaction over action it has reinforced the behavior. All it takes is one action to get the ball rolling back where it should be. Back on the path of your true potential. Only then will you feel a happiness like you've never felt before. You will wake up each day with a purpose. A reason for leaving the comfort of your warm covers and relaxing position. Embracing the new warmth found in the moment. Who uses a snooze button anymore? Being awake finally has more fantasy and potential than anything we could come up with in our dreams. The World Is Yours.

Source Energy

Something is out there. It can be felt and seen. A connectedness of energy. The very act of trying to describe it takes away from its meaning. People throughout history have tried to define it. Some people call it god and give it human characteristics. Explain what cannot be explained. Understand something our minds may not be built to understand. Our perspective may be to limited. Yet it is to big and to beautiful not to reach for. Like flowers reaching for the sun.

The current name I choose is Source Energy. It comes to us when we don't resist it. Something everyone can tune into. Something everyone who finds it will interpret uniquely. Something internal rather than external. The universe becoming aware of itself through us. The only thing consistent about it is its inconsistency. It blows my mind. Each day a little closer to understanding what cannot be understood. Learning from the people who searched for it before me and leaving something to be learned by the people who will search for it after me. Life, you are truly amazing.

Harmony.

Live in the moment. plan for the future. reflect on the positive things in your past; rehearse the successes, Learn from and forget the 'failures' then come back and enjoy the moment. The moment is all we have. Find our path, reach for our goals and trust in our faculties to get us where we are going and enjoy the journey. Life is an amazing gift. Everyone has their own path. You can put up road signs and try to help people but in the end its their choice to follow them or not. The only reality you control is your own. You can make a heaven out of hell and a hell out of heaven. Everything that happens to you is only relatively important, therefore it is actually unimportant, relatively. You need the city to enjoy the woods and you need the woods to enjoy the city. The winter makes the summer that much better and in the end you can enjoy any type of weather.

be real dawg.

I think the goal is to get as close to 100% real as you can. Real to yourself. Not let anyones opinions influance your actions. And im not talking only about the obvious spoken opinions and scarscaticstic remarks but the more subtle things like negative body language, under the breath pffs, or even another persons feelings of being uncomfortable by what your doing causing you to feel the need to act differently. You can feel the uncomfert they dont have to do anything. even driving close behind someone will give them the feeling that their doing something wrong, that they should switch lanes or drive faster. On this quest to find out what it is that we enjoy, what kinda things we truly find super tight we will get haters. Haters hate because they see something they wish they were and do what they can do hold you back, keep you normal, just like them so they can remain comfortable. I also feel like this is more of a male game and cannot yet address how females act toward each other. Evolutionary it makes sense. The person who remains the least reactive is the alpha male. The alpha male gets what ever the fuck he wants. people have been competing for millions of years to climb the ranks and become the alpha male, they pass tests and deal with haters. the ones who rise to the top are the best haters of them all. the ones who put down and styfolded the other people into beta. These people have had time to spread their genes and their behavior from generation to generation for millions of years. and now its getting to a point where its all unnecessary. We have abundance. We no longer need to compete for hierarchy but most people let their emotions dictate their beliefs and behaviors and cannot see that logically they are doing themselves and the world around them more harm than good. They fail to realize that as long as they are comparing themselves to others they will always feel inferior to someone else in some way. Everyone has their own shit weather it be lazy shit, hater shit, insecure shit, , jealous shit, lire shit, dishonest shit, or truthful shit, real shit, love it shit, happiness shit, learner shit, success shit... its all shit to someone and everyone has their own brand. and usually its the man who farted who is the only one who doesn't mind.

Life is superrrr tight.

This blog is going to be a tool to express myself and to test my self expression. I will attempt to put my thoughts out into the world for people to accept and reject as they see fit. knowing that everyone has their own shit, i will challenge myself to remain impartial to any negative or positive opinion. This is for me. At this point in my life i feel like people can make a heaven out of hell and a hell out of heaven. peoples outside world is a reflection of their inside world. this is a place for me to jot down my thoughts about what that means to me. My thoughts on life. What ive learned what im figuring out. Ideas i feel are interesting. My attempt at a new reality to shift away from the herd mentality. I dont really care about spelling and grammar, thats just another thing to styfold (inhibit? bog down? kill?) my style. Yeah these little red underlines so inconveniently let me spell good if i choose to so ill see what what happens in the mud pit when the mud turns to shit. Your defined in life by the actions you take and i think so many people are scared to be defined that they dont take action. hopeing itll work out. hopeing there will be another tv show to watch, another quick gratification they can grab to delay any true meaning of the experiance they were blessed with. We are the universe becoming aware of itself. We are here for such a short amount of time every minute you spend not being happy is a minute you wasted. Ive wreseled with this idea for some time because it seems contradictory to leading a successful life in the long term. But im beggining to realize that through living in the moment, realizing everyone has their own shit (negitive shit, happy shit, mean shit, nice shit, dorky shit, cool shit.) and expressing yourself with out letting anything outside influance you. You will be on your path. And each day you will get closer to your goals and your goals will give you a momentum to strong to stop. I have started viewing all the negative shit and outside circumstances i cannot control as a challenge to overcome. I live and gain exp with each new thing i face and concur. There is no such thing as failure. You live and learn. You either succeed or get closer to success. Life is an amazing place. With amazing gifts. and its the grapes who live through the shade that make the best wine. reality isnt real, and i need to make my seccond ever bowl of oatmeal. Late night at the bars. Don't have class till 3:00. I have some homework to catch up on and a new phone to get. Blog. You are super tight. Everyone is going to have a different interpretation of this blog and i'm going to attempt to just express myself with out thinking about how another person will interpret my expression. This will be a challenge at times but that'll only lead to that good old tasty fine wine.